


Drift Away

by woozdum



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Josh-centric, Multi, this is my fave thing ive ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:52:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7606183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woozdum/pseuds/woozdum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jisoo’s not sure where his place is anymore. Not when he’s an outsider watching Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s friendship. Not when he’s an outsider observing their influence and importance within Seventeen. Not when he’s an outsider who is meant to be on the inside as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drift Away

1.

The catalyst, Jisoo thinks, is Doyoon leaving. He sees Seungcheol’s bitter gaze and taut smile, the one where his lips curl upwards but his eyes reflect the betrayal and the pain.

And Jisoo can only imagine, despite the brave face he puts on, how much Doyoon’s departure has affected him. He can’t fathom how much it would hurt to lose your Day 1, when Yoon Jeonghan is still next to him being a general little shit.

They talk about him, about how to help him, about how to be there for him. Jeonghan wants to take a more direct approach, but Jisoo would rather observe the situation some more.  He wants to help but he can’t. He doesn’t know how.

That’s the first night in a long time that they argue. Jeonghan angrily muttering about how _you’re being so inconsiderate Jisoo_ but Jisoo knows that it’s different for the two of them, because his relationship with Seungcheol has always been present but, simultaneously, nonexistent.

2.

Jisoo observes how things have changed. Seungcheol’s smiles aren’t forced anymore. His eyes are shining again, his laughter loud, but not unwelcome.

He observes how Jeonghan’s head always happens to rest on Seungcheol’s shoulder, during practice, in the studio, when they’re ~~cuddling~~  whispering before bed.

And above all else, he observes how Jeonghan doesn’t look for him anymore, not when Seungcheol is by his side, and he feels vacant. _It’s stupid and petty_ , he convinces himself. _You’re not losing your friend, Seungcheol just needs him more right now. It’s okay._

 _It’s okay._ Jisoo smiles bitterly to himself before schooling his face and standing up when Hansol calls for him. _It has to be._

3.

Jisoo can barely breathe as he piles into the practice room with the other trainees…no, _his team_. He’s debuting. He’s going to be an idol, an actual real life idol. Through his tears, he manages his first genuine smile in a while and turns to look at the other members.

He feels it before he sees it, an arm curling over his shoulders pulling him into a hug. Standing in Seungcheol’s embrace has never been so comforting.

 _We made it._  Jisoo grins at the older boy, and he sees tears welling up in Seungcheol’s eyes. It’s different from before, though, because the smile on the latter’s face is one that Jisoo never wants to see waver.

They break apart to join in on the group hug and Jisoo smiles when he feels a slap on his back and sees Jeonghan jumping up and down.

_Everything is going to be alright…This is home._

4.

Except, fate never really works the way one would like, Jisoo realizes when the thirteen of them stand at a fansign, and he watches Jeonghan serenade ~~Seungcheol~~   _S.Coups_. 

It’s petty, worrying like this, but Jisoo knows that, with so many members, exposure is a luxury and a privilege. He does not have the inherent charisma and ability to charm people’s pants off, the way Hansol or Mingyu do, nor does he have the comedic prowess that Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan possess. He’s just the _American hyung._

He forces a laugh for the fans, but he already sees fans forgetting about him. In a group of thirteen, very talented kids, Jisoo is now known as _Seventeen’s Gentlemen,_   _Joshua._

 _It’s fine, though._ He says to himself, repeating it over and over until he can pretend to believe it. He plays his part and Seventeen is better because of it.

5. 

But, as Jisoo soon learns, a gentleman pales in comparison to domesticity, the “parental figure” type characters. He notices it when the three of them walk on stage for their photo time. He notices how Jeonghan and Seungcheol play off each other and how, even with these two supposed pillars of support on each side, he still feels very alone.

Jisoo starts watching. He watches how Chan turns on the charm when he wants something from Seungcheol or how Seungcheol goes to flick Wonwoo with every awful pun and ad-lib that the latter makes. He sees how Seungcheol helps Myungho in learning Korean, or how he comforts Jihoon when the younger is at his breaking point.

He watches Jeonghan whiz around the dorm, offering his time to the younger members, comforting Seokmin and Seungkwan after a long day of criticism, or nagging Mingyu while he’s preparing dinner, or talking to Jun about anything and everything.

Jisoo watches but never speaks. He’s never had these instincts, hell, he’s still trying to get comfortable with skinship.

_Am I a good hyung?_

Jisoo starts excusing himself earlier from dinner, leaves first after practice, skips out on group outings whenever possible, but if the other members notice anything, they don’t mention it.

It makes Jisoo wonder if they even care. And _of course they do, we’re a team_ , but as he closes his eyes, he dreams of doubts and insecurities, open-ended questions and less than favorable answers.

6. 

He walks smaller, these days, apologetic and guilt-ridden. 

So when Soonyoung teaches the choreography to Mansae _(Cheol hyung, you’re going to touch Jeonghan hyung’s shoulder while he sings, and Jisoo hyung will touch Cheol hyung’s shoulder, but Cheol hyung is going to shake him off)_ , Jisoo doesn’t know if he wants to cry or die. After all, it’s almost laughable, how art apparently imitates his life. After all, when all eyes are on Jeonghan, how could he even try to forge a relationship with Seungcheol. 

 _Not that you even deserve it._  He feels sorry that he wasn’t there for the older boy, but thankful that Jeonghan was there instead.

Apologetic and guilt-ridden. Jisoo doesn’t know how to approach his leader outside of group settings anymore. How to apologize and say that he should have done better as a _friend,_ as a _brother._ At this point, what could he possibly say or do, when his friendship with Seungcheol has never broken past the surface?

When Seungcheol calls, Jisoo answers. When Seungcheol’s hand finds its way to Jisoo’s shoulder, the younger knows to lean into his leader’s embrace. He finds strength and comfort in his leader, both reliable and caring. 

One day, he will finally make it up to him. One day, he will finally be able to apologize. One day, he will finally be able to look at Seungcheol and not feel waves of guilt washing over him.

But for now, Jisoo does what he does best: he leaves it be.

7. 

He knows the fans see it too. He sees the fan accounts on social media, how being included in “hyung-line” _,_ doesn’t mean mean much when everyone seems to overlook you and your standing within the group.

So, he tries to rely less on Jeonghan and Seungcheol (after all, its not like they rely much on him), and looks to the younger members, hanging around with them more often. He talks to Hansol in English more, works on music with Jihoon more, jokes around with Soonyoung and Seokmin more. But, he knows his place within the group, and he knows that, at the end of the day, that place is forged with the 95-liners. 

Trying to be seen when no one is looking at you is exhausting, and Jisoo wants to scream. He wants to be seen and heard, but a gentleman never speaks out of turn, a gentleman never makes a scene. A gentleman is poised and calm.

_And you must be, too._

8.

It’s after their Mansae promotions, when Jeonghan doesn’t really interact with him on or off camera anymore, that he realizes what Seungcheol must have gone through. How shitty it feels to lose a close friend. He wonders when they drifted apart, was it that first night (that first argument), or was it the fact that the company was pushing _Jeongcheol_ and milking it for all that it’s worth?

He isn’t mad. It’s understandable, how the two oldest members would become close and rely on each other. He just wishes that he could have that kind of relationship with them as well. That they would rely on him as much as he relies on them.

9.

Sometimes, though, Jeonghan comes back to him, and it’s like old times, when they would practice for hours on end in the company practice rooms. It’s almost nostalgic, how comfortable it is being in Jeonghan’s presence, how familiar it is to hear his laughter liven up every corner of a room, how unexpected it is when Jeonghan casually shifts a conversation to a more serious matter. _You’ve been distant, Jisoo._

He’s forgotten how willing he is to divulge everything in Jeonghan’s presence, as he reveals every fear and every insecurity. Every guilt and every unspoken apology. 

He forgets how afraid he’s been, when he’s wrapped in a hug so tight he can barely breathe (not that it’s a foreign feeling to Jisoo at this point).

 _I’ll do better._  Jisoo isn’t sure who says it first, but it doesn’t matter. Not when the weight that’s been crushing down on his shoulders is finally lifted. 

_I’ll do better._

10.

Jisoo can feel the difference almost immediately. He feels it when Seungcheol mutters an _It’s okay, you never needed to apologize_ while holding his hand desperately, trying to convey his message. He feels it when Jeonghan ropes him into late night cuddles with Seungcheol (and any of the other members who are still awake and willing). He feels it when they stand on stage, and the three of them are forced to take cheesy pictures and he feels S.Coups cringing into his shoulder, or when Jeonghan ~~reads his overly sappy answers to the entire room~~  graduates from little shit to gigantic turd. 

Jisoo walks tall, because, one day he will be seen as more than just a gentleman, or a dork, or the forgotten member of _Jihancheol._ But until then, he’s willing to wait.

After all, he is  _Seventeen’s Joshua_.


End file.
